Internet dating pitfalls

My first date was with an immaculately dressed year-old with salt and pepper coiffed hair who bleated on about his top job in IT and spent most of the lunch gawping at a group of something female students.

Internet Dating Pitfalls

The next day I got an email saying we were not a match. I found it easy to translate: Rejection, even from a stranger, can cut deep.

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Pic posed by model]. But I had learned a brutal lesson. There are five women to every man on these sites so even the most unremarkable men start to believe they are David Beckham. In online dating terms, at 48 I am considered ancient.

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Even though the site I was on claimed to be for professionals looking for romance, a lot of the men are just trawling for sex. It is so easy to misrepresent yourself online. You may be socially challenged in real life but in cyberspace anyone can pretend to be Leonardo DiCaprio. When I met William, for example, I hardly recognised the cultured, artistic and caring individual from his profile. Not only did he let me know the price of every item on the menu, sparkling conversation for him meant a detailed account of his favourite hobby: After all, I was beginning to find it creepy and it was expensive.

More than 40 million people use internet dating sites , but only 6 percent of people over 55 do I think both of those numbers are low.

How to Avoid Three Dating Pitfalls That Women Fall Into | HuffPost

Fifty-nine percent of people think online dating is a good way to meet people now as opposed to 44 percent 10 years ago. Whatever the real numbers are, cyberdating is a fixture in the American, and world, social scenes , and a thoroughly legitimate and generally safe way to meet interesting people you never would have otherwise. It's possible to do much more screening of a potential date now than before this phenomenon came along.

When most of the over 50 set was last seen dating 25 years ago, meeting took place at work, school, through well-meaning if usually misguided friends, or through that urban myth of going up to someone in the grocery store did that ever happen, or at least happen without the police being called? But there are pitfalls, some are directly attributable to internet dating, some are collateral damage. On almost all of my first dates, I ask how the online dating experience has been.

Psychologists highlight pitfalls of online dating

Most of the time I get a lukewarm response. I've got some real horror stories to tell. The guy showed up 30 pounds heavier and 10 years older than his photo. The guy had bad teeth or bad manners. The guy expected me to pay for my drinks oh no! The guy showed me photos of his ex-wife. The guy stalked me. The guy sent me nude photos of himself. The guy boiled my rabbit a reference those of us over 50 will get; those under 50 may not. As for those books these women could write, three women actually sent me screenplays they had written about their cyberdating lives.

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  • The Pitfalls Of Online Dating Over 50 | HuffPost.
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They were almost identical -- series of bad dates with rude and deceitful and arrogant and boring men. A series of bad dates is not a movie. The sheer number of options can be overwhelming, and the ease with which people can sift through profiles -- and click on to the next one -- may lead them to "objectify" potential partners and compare them like so many pairs of shoes.

The shopping mindset may be efficient online, but when carried into face-to-face interactions it can make daters overly critical and discourage "fluid, spontaneous interaction" in what is already a charged and potentially awkward situation, Reis and his coauthors write. Communicating via email or instant message before meeting in person doesn't always cure this problem.

Some online communication is a good thing, the researchers say, but too much of it can skew expectations and ultimately sabotage a match. People tend to read too much into emails and other online conversations, which increases the potential for misunderstandings and disappointment, they point out. Some services, such as eHarmony and PerfectMatch.

The authors of the review are skeptical of these claims. They weren't able to find a single rigorous study showing the effectiveness of the algorithms, and other research suggests it's extremely difficult to predict the likelihood that a relationship will succeed before two people meet. To make matters worse, Finkel and his colleagues say, these algorithm-based services may encourage a counterproductive "destiny" mindset that prizes initial compatibility over other factors that are important to the long-term health of a relationship, such as the social and economic support individuals offer each other, or their ability to cope with stressful life events.

None of this, however, means that online dating isn't a good way to meet people. The review stresses that websites are a valuable resource for daters -- as long as a person doesn't put too much stock in the profiles or matchmaking claims.

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